did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
