It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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