we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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