My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
