I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
