jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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