I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
