Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
