Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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