fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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