Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
