My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
