We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
