Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
