THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
No subtext here. People are naked.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
