Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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