he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize