My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
should my penis look like a turkey
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
