i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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