Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can't turn off my feet"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
