I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
