he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
