When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
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WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
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Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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