All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
