i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
