that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
