He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
