Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Hippo gnu deer
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
