There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
