Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
