Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
