there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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