i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
