I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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