What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
