If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize