just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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