did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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