Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
