I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
babies were throwing up all over the place
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
