Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
