I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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