You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
