Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
