his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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