So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
