Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
