well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
