life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
