can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
