I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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