Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
