He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
