When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
