after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
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I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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