Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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