Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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