You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
we should paint friendship bongs
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