That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
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I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
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There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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