Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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