I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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