I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
