he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
