Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
