I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
