Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
