It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
