alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
