i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
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Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
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I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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