I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
