You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
only if we run a train.
done.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
