She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
