yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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