I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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