lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
