I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
