my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
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Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
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The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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