dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
