Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
