Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
