I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize