I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
