would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
