God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
