This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
