Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
