hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I had to cum in my sink.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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