I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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