Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
