why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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