I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
