I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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