Apparently you make a good broom.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
