I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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