you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
