I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
