# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
