She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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